Lemon Possession
by Nibiru-Mul
Summary: Squidward is possessed by the Devil after eating a bad lemon. SpongeBob and his friends need to find a way to give Squidward an exorcism.
1. Squidward Gets Possessed

_**DISCLAIMER:**__ I do not own SpongeBob or most of the characters in this story. They are property of Nickelodeon. I do, however, own a few minor characters, as well as having created names for some of the nameless._

_This story is rated T for coarse language and references to religion and Satanism. You have been warned._

_This is my first SpongeBob fanfic. I was inspired by a Youtube Poop where Squidward gets possessed by a bad lemon. I hope you like it!_

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**THE ESTATE OF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS**

**UNDERSEA EXORCIST**

**CHAPTER 1: THE LEMON**

It was a sunny day in Bikini Bottom. Everything was going fine for its undersea citizens.

We take a look at the Krusty Krab. Squidward is at the register, counting the money. SpongeBob is busy

"SpongeBob!" yelled Squidward. "Did you get those toilets cleaned?"

"Yes, Squidward," said SpongeBob, coming out of the bathroom.

"By the way," said Squidward, handing SpongeBob an order, "there's an order from a group of three."

SpongeBob looked at the order.

"Okay," said SpongeBob. "2 Krabby Patties, 2 orders of fries, 3 sodas, and 1 salad." He pronounced "salad" the weird way that he was accustomed to, as "suh-LAD" instead of "SAL-id". Naturally, Squidward thought this little gimmick was stupid.

"It's SAL-id, you loon!" said Squidward. "Not suh-LAD."

"But..." said SpongeBob. "I like suh-LADs."

"You idiot," said Squidward. "Just fetch these people their orders."

SpongeBob went into the kitchen. He prepared the Krabby Patties. Then he cooked the fries and filled up the soda. Finally, he made the salad. The salad consisted of lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, onions, and lemons.

"Order up!" said SpongeBob.

SpongeBob approached three fish - two girls and a guy. He gave one of the female fish a salad.

"Is this yours, Nancy?" asked SpongeBob.

"Why yes," said Nancy. "I'm on a diet. I've got to watch my girlish figure!"

Suddenly, Mr. Krabs came out of his office.

"It's time for your lunch break!" said Mr. Krabs. "You have 10 minutes!"

SpongeBob made himself a Krabby Patty to eat.

"Luckily," said Squidward, taking out a plastic bag. "I have a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls." Squidward looked in his bag. Unfortunately, the bag was empty. Squidward's bag had a hole in it. That meant that the can of Swedish Barnacle Balls must have fallen out and spilled all over the road.

Squidward looked at the bag and was shocked.

"Damn it!" said Squidward. "That's the last time I buy the cheap plastic bag. And I'm the only one who likes Swedish Barnacle Balls."

Cut to a scene of some wild snails eating barnacle balls that were splattered all over the street. The snails throw up.

"Oh well," said Squidward. "I'll just have a lemon."

Squidward went into the kitchen and took a lemon from the bag. He ate it up. Now something bad would happen.

When Squidward ate this particular lemon, he froze. He began to make weird faces, and started to turn creepy. Eventually, the transformation was complete. Squidward spoke up after his lunch.

"What?" asked Squidward.

SpongeBob, who had finished his Krabby Patty, walked out of the kitchen.

"Hey, Squidward," said SpongeBob.

Squidward laughed demonically.

"What in Satan's name are you doing here?" asked Squidward.

SpongeBob was confused. Squidward appeared to be infernal.

"Why are you talking about Satan?" asked SpongeBob.

"I am a disciple of Satan," said Squidward. "Feel my wrath." As Squidward spoke, the Krusty Krab grew darker. "I have the powers of evil! I can obliterate you all if I wanted to. This place is too holy, so I must use my Satanic powers to make it better. Hail the Dark Lord!"

Squidward zapped a table. It turned into a cauldron of blood.

"But," said SpongeBob, "what about your soul?" SpongeBob made an angelic face.

"Oh, please!" said Squidward. "I have no soul."

SpongeBob didn't know what to do, so he took out a Krabby Patty.

"Maybe this will do the trick," said SpongeBob, holding the Krabby Patty at Squidward's face.

Squidward hissed and vaporized the Krabby Patty with a zap.

"I can't eat any of that shit!" said Squidward. "It is a heart attack on a bun! My devilish powers don't need it."

Mr. Krabs looked at what was going on.

"SpongeBob! Squidward!" he said. "What in Neptune's name is going on here? Your break is supposed to be over, and..." Mr. Krabs saw the infernal Squidward - complete with the dark aura that had engulfed the Krusty Krab - and gasped. "What the...?"

"I don't bow to you anymore, Eugene Harold Krabs," said Squidward, "I only bow to the powers of the Dark Lord Satan!" Squidward began turning his head 360 degrees - just like the girl from _The Exorcist_.

"Mr. Squidward!" said Mr. Krabs. "I can't have you and your fiendish powers destroying the restaurant. I want you to go home and take a nice, long rest."

"Okay..." said Squidward.

Squidward rose up from the ground and started to float in the air. He then burst out of the Krusty Krab and was making his way towards Bikini Bottom.

"It looks like Squidward has been possessed," said SpongeBob. He looked at the lemon Squidward had mostly eaten. "By a bad lemon."

Dun dun dun! It looks like Squidward has crossed over to the dark side.


	2. The Wrath of Squidward

_**A/N:**__ This is where the plot really gets good. Here is where Squidward will release his Satanic powers onto Bikini Bottom._

_Be warned - Squidward uses the dreaded C word in this chapter. But that's only because he uses it in the Youtube Poop where the idea for this story came from. Don't be offended._

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**CHAPTER 2: THE WRATH OF SQUIDWARD**

Mr. Krabs didn't know what to do. He was worried that Squidward would use his Satanic powers to take over Bikini Bottom.

"SpongeBob!" said Mr. Krabs. "I didn't want to say this, but here it is...I'm closing the Krusty Krab until Squidward gets rid of the Devil in him."

"But how's he gonna do that?" asked SpongeBob.

"He might attack Bikini Bottom with his powers," said Mr. Krabs. "Now go home!"

Later, we see SpongeBob at home. He is in his backyard, reclining on a beach towel. He is wearing a blue speedo and a sun hat with a flower in it. He is drinking a margarita.

SpongeBob laughed in an effeminate way while taking a sip.

"Squidward's possessed by the Devil," he said. "But I know that deep down, he's just lonely. What could he possibly do?"

Let's take a look...

Squidward was in downtown Bikini Bottom. He was levitating in the air. His eyes were red with fireballs. He was shooting laser beams at everything. He obliterated several buildings and caused fires. Other abilities that Squidward had gained included the ability to stretch out his arms indefinitely so he could grab faraway objects. People were running around screaming.

"Ha ha ha ha!" said Squidward in an infernal voice. "The power of Satan compels you! Bow down to me - the disciple of Satan!"

Squidward saw a bakery. He saw a loaf of bread that was fresh. It was labeled _Whole Wheat Grandma's Bread_.

"I'm hungry," he said. "How about a power lunch?"

In an instant, Squidward vaporized the walls of the bakery, leaving the bread exposed. Squidward took the bread and ate it.

"HA HA HA HA!" said Squidward. "I like my Whole Wheat GRANDMA'S!"

Later that day, SpongeBob went to town. He was greeted by people screaming. He saw Mrs. Puff running by.

"What are you running from?" asked SpongeBob.

"It's him!" said Mrs. Puff. "It's that demonic squid! The one who's destroying the city! SpongeBob, why aren't you running too?"

"I was going to see if I can talk to him," said SpongeBob.

"You're crazy," said Mrs. Puff. She saw Squidward getting closer. "He's here! RUN!" Mrs. Puff screamed and ran away.

Squidward floated near SpongeBob.

"SpongeBob!" he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Squidward!" said SpongeBob, annoyed. "You're destroying the city!"

"You're damn right!" said Squidward. "But watch out for my powers! I can obliterate you any time I want!"

Squidward threw a shuriken shaped like a pentagram. SpongeBob managed to avoid it.

"Listen, Squidward," said SpongeBob, "you're not the Devil. You're just being stupid."

"ME?" said Squidward angrily. "I am a knight of Satan! And you are SpongeBob! I will zap you dead. Unless you promise to keep me in your house and tend to me at night."

"I don't know..." said SpongeBob.

Squidward began charging power.

"Okay...okay!" said SpongeBob.

"Good," said Squidward. "I'll be over at 6:30 PM."

"I need to ask Patrick for help," said SpongeBob.

SpongeBob went to Patrick for help.

"Now SpongeBob," said Patrick, "since Squidward is possessed, you have to be careful. You don't know what tricks he has up his sleeve. You will need some brown sugar." He handed SpongeBob a bag of brown sugar. "You also need a steak. Devils hate that." He handed SpongeBob a juicy steak. "And last but not least, use the Bible whenever he wants to get to you. Or was it the Book of Mormon? Whatever."

"Patrick," said SpongeBob, "you're not normally that smart."

"I know a lot about devils," said Patrick. "Any purple starfish like me would know."

SpongeBob went home with the items.

Later, Squidward came over to SpongeBob's house.

"I'm back from destroying the city," said Squidward. "Now fetch me some pizza."

SpongeBob ordered three pizza pies over the phone. When it came over, Squidward took all the pies. SpongeBob didn't get a single bite. SpongeBob ended up doing a lot of other chores for Squidward. He had to do Squidward's laundry, give him stuff to read, and order him donuts. Eventually, SpongeBob was tired,, and went to go to sleep on the couch.

Gary, who was near the couch, meowed at SpongeBob.

"I don't know what to do, Gary," said SpongeBob. "Squidward is very demanding."

Then, SpongeBob heard Squidward calling from his room.

"SPONGEBOB!" yelled Squidward. "WHERE'S MY LEMONADE?"

"Coming, Squidward," said SpongeBob.

"AND DO NOT FORGET TO BRING YOUR UNIFORM!" yelled Squidward. "I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR LEMONADE UNLESS YOU ARE WEARING THAT UNIFORM!"

SpongeBob changed into a French maid uniform. SpongeBob began to prepare the lemonade. He squirted the lemonade and started to pour it into a glass. He also put a straw in it. When SpongeBob was finished preparing the lemonade, he began to go upstairs. He hurried up as Squidward called out.

"SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! GET OVER HERE _NOW_!" yelled Squidward.

SpongeBob approached the door. He heard Squidward laugh. Then he went in the room. He saw Squidward lying in bed. The whole room was covered in a dark blue aura. Squidward had a pentagram floating above his head. He looked to be very angry.

"It's about time you got here!" said Squidward.

SpongeBob walked up to Squidward with the lemonade. He handed it to him.

"Here you go, your majesty," said SpongeBob.

"I can't drink that!" said Squidward.

"Why not?" asked SpongeBob.

"Look at it," said Squidward. SpongeBob looked at the lemon. "That lemon has three seeds in it! That's a HOLY number! I can't eat anything holy-numbered!"

"You know, you're a dick," said SpongeBob.

"You know, you're a c*nt," said Squidward.

SpongeBob looked angrily at Squidward.

"Fine," said SpongeBob, "I'll take it out. Don't worry."

"NO! NO!" yelled Squidward. "I was just kidding!"

SpongeBob grew angry and broke the glass.

"I want soup instead," said Squidward.

SpongeBob left and changed out of his maid outfit and back into his normal clothes. He went to get soup for Squidward.

"Here you go," said SpongeBob.

Squidward ate the soup. Then he shot an angry look at SpongeBob and threw the soup against the wall. He then threw up the soup.

"Condensed soup from a can?" asked Squidward. "DISGUSTING! You've ruined my appetite. Fetch me something to read!"

SpongeBob looked angry and reached behind his back.

"Okay...how about THIS?" said SpongeBob, putting the Holy Bible in Squidward's face.

Squidward gasped and threw the Bible away.

"GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!" yelled Squidward. "You know I'm allergic to the Bible! Because it's HOLY!"

SpongeBob didn't know what to do. He tried to get the brown sugar and steak, but they turned out to be useless - Squidward had vaporized them.

"You can go to bed," said Squidward. "I'm bored with you."

SpongeBob went downstairs, to the couch, and fell asleep on the couch.

"That moron!" said Squidward. "He should have known that I could have easily obliterated him on the spot! He sucks!"


	3. Get the Devil Out of Him

_**A/N: At last, it's finished!**_

_BTW, Happy Valentine's Day!_

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**CHAPTER 3: GET THE DEVIL OUT OF HIM**

For the next few days, Squidward would cause even more chaos. He would fly around town, looking for people to zap. When he flew around Bikini Bottom, he started causing all sorts of chaos to the town.

Eventually, three days had passed. By now, it looked like a twister had hit Bikini Bottom.

"Maybe I should go see Sandy," said SpongeBob. "She's a scientist."

SpongeBob decided to go over to Sandy's tree dome.

When SpongeBob arrived at Sandy's tree dome, he put his helmet on. Then he went in the front door. He walked inside to the second door. Sandy opened up the door and let SpongeBob inside.

"Hey, Sandy," said SpongeBob.

"Howdy there, SpongeBob," said Sandy.

"I need help," said SpongeBob.

"Help for what?" asked Sandy. Then she remembered Squidward. "Let me guess: you're here to ask for help with the exorcism of Squidward. That crazy squid's been destroying everything in sight. I've had to strengthen the polyurethane on this dome to prevent it from being destroyed by Squidward's dark powers!"

"That's exactly it," said SpongeBob.

"Well, come on in!" said Sandy.

Sandy took SpongeBob inside. She led him to the tree. The two went inside, and Sandy led SpongeBob to her laboratory - the same one seen in the episode _Squidtastic Voyage_. Only this time Sandy took SpongeBob to a hidden room.

"See this room?" asked Sandy. "This is where I've been building the exorcism machine."

"But Sandy," said SpongeBob, "religion and science don't mix. They're like oil and water, like eels and escalators, like chocolate and medicine!"

"Well that's up for debate," said Sandy, "but I heard that Squidward was possessed by a bad lemon. I've solved lemon possessions before."

"Lemon possessions?" asked SpongeBob.

"Yup," said Sandy. She took a book and started reading it. "It is said that 1 in every 5 million lemons is afflicted with an unsettling disease. These lemons are considered bad. If one of these lemon is eaten, you can risk things like insomnia, bloody vomiting, severe migraines, amnesia, or even possession by the Devil!"

"Sounds painful," said SpongeBob.

"I always trust Dr. Joe Lemoine," said Sandy, "He's an expert on lemons based in Bikini Top."

"Never heard of him," said SpongeBob.

SpongeBob saw the device that Sandy was working on. It was a large red laser gun. Sandy had also made three extra copies.

"This is the De-Lemonizer," said Sandy. "It can get bad lemons out of anyone! I've had this idea for a year now, but I only finished it this morning."

"Does it work on bad limes?" asked SpongeBob.

"I don't know," said Sandy. "Maybe I'll include that in the updated version."

"Squidward should be in the city," said SpongeBob.

"Then let's go right away!" said Sandy. "We better hurry up before he destroys the entire city!"

Sandy and SpongeBob left.

Meanwhile, Squidward was still messing around with Bikini Bottom. He was currently destroying a bubble shop.

"Ha ha!" laughed Squidward. "Now those filthy mortals SpongeBob and Patrick can't annoy me with their bubbles!"

Squidward then saw a cop.

"Excuse me sir," said the cop, "but we don't allow flying devils in this city."

"Oh yeah?" asked Squidward. "Then laugh at this!"

Squidward zapped the cop and turned him into a can of tuna.

"You bastard!" yelled the cop.

"Well," said Squidward, "that's the eighteenth cop that I have dispatched of. No one can stop me now!"

"Not so fast!" shouted SpongeBob and Sandy.

Squidward turned around and looked at SpongeBob and Sandy. They were both armed with De-Lemonizers.

"Oh yeah?" said Squidward. "Face the wrath of Satan!"

Squidward began to breathe fire. SpongeBob and Sandy dodged Squidward's breath.

"You're going to have to do a lot better than that!" said SpongeBob.

"You think so?" said Squidward. "Then take a look at this!"

Squidward used his magic powers to create six nudibranchs - the cute but deadly creatures that didn't like company. SpongeBob had bought one as a friend for Gary a while back. It didn't go so well since "Puffy Fluffy" turned into a big, horrifying creature who tried to eat Gary. The ones Squidward created were in the horrifying form that had multiple tongues with teeth in them. Two were green, two were blue, and two were purple. Squidward also put up a force field to protect himself.

"Uh-oh," said Sandy. "Start shooting them!"

SpongeBob and Sandy shot at the nudibranchs. The nudibranchs chased them around. SpongeBob tried hiding from them, but they would find him every time. Sandy managed to crash two into each other. The two nudibranchs devoured each other. SpongeBob destroyed another nudibranch with his weapon, and Sandy destroyed the remaining nudibranchs.

"Now for my next trick," said Squidward, "do you like giant spiders?"

Squidward created a pair of giant spiders. They were big and black - they were even bigger than the nudibranchs. The spiders chased SpongeBob and Sandy. They shot their webs at the pair. Sandy would use evasionary tactics to trick the spiders into tangling each other. Sandy and SpongeBob were able to take some of the web and create lassos. They pulled on the spiders so hard that their abdomens exploded, killing them both.

"You're all out of minions, Squidward!" said Sandy.

"Oh, am I?" asked Squidward. "Now shall you deal with me, mortals...and all the powers of HELL!"

Squidward began to laugh maniacally as he transformed himself into a gigantic, monstrous kraken. This kraken had Squidward's head and eight tentacles that were so big they could cover more than half of Bikini Bottom.

"Looks like we have a problem," said Sandy.

"Inferior mortals!" said Squidward, now with a deep, infernal voice. "You cannot defeat me! BWHAHAHAHA!"

Squidward's gigantic tentacles began to slam down. Sandy and SpongeBob quickly dodged them. They began firing their De-Lemonizers at Squidward. Squidward would put up force fields to stop them. Squidward would also breathe fire periodically as the duo dodged his attacks.

Eventually, Sandy saw where Squidward's weak spot was.

"SpongeBob," said Sandy, "if we shoot Squidward in his mouth, then he will be deprogrammed and revert back to normal. Get ready to shoot!"

"Yeah!" said SpongeBob.

Sandy and SpongeBob began charging power.

"One...two..." said both of them. "Three!"

The two fired lasers at Squidward. The lasers went into the kraken's mouth. Squidward let out a huge scream, and began to shake.

"NO!" he yelled.

"Retreat!" said Sandy. She and SpongeBob retreated. The giant Squidward kraken began to shake vigorously. He continued to scream. Eventually, he fell down in a huge bonfire. As the kraken was disintegrating, the normal Squidward flew out of the dying monster. The monster exploded, and the bad lemon floated into the sky, where is dissovled into nothing.

Squidward was cured of the devil inside of him. He was still breathing, but he was unconscious.

"Let's take Squidward home," said Sandy.

SpongeBob and Sandy took Squidward back to his house and lay him down on the couch. Squidward woke up.

"Where am I?" asked Squidward.

"You're home," said Sandy. "SpongeBob and I got the devil out of you."

"Devil?" asked Squidward.

"You were possessed by a bad lemon," said Squidward. "You were destroying the town and everything."

"Luckily, SpongeBob and I saved you," said Sandy, "I built the De-Lemonizer to get the bad lemon out of you."

"Gee, thanks, Sandy!" said Squidward.

Squidward turned to SpongeBob. "I can't believe I'm saying this," he said, "but I'm glad you helped get the demon out."

"No problem," said SpongeBob. He did his usual laugh.

"Oh boy," said Squidward with his usual bored look.

"Glad to have you back," said Sandy.

**THE END**


End file.
